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Becoming Yourself Counselling

Meet Michael Holker, HBA, BSW, MSW, Registered Social Worker/Psychotherapist - A Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapist

As a late-diagnosed neurodivergent individual, I’ve often felt like a puzzle piece that doesn’t quite fit in.

My journey has given me an understanding of the challenges you may be facing. I bring an approach that values your unique mind, experiences, and goals.

My search for understanding my identity, authenticity, meaning, freedom, and belonging led me to therapy as a personal journey and a professional calling.

Feeling lost in a world that prizes conformity, I realized the need for a compassionate approach that respects neurodiversity.

I was later introduced to neurodiversity-affirming therapy.

I founded Becoming Yourself Counselling because I believe that no one should feel pressured to hide who they are to be accepted and that we all deserve to be seen and heard for who we are.

I understand the fear and frustration that comes from feeling 'different.' I've been there, too, and that's why I'm here to help.

My mission is to help clients navigate life's complexities, from masking and imposter syndrome to existential questions of identity and meaning, becoming who they really are.

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are” - Joseph Campbell 

 

Michael Smiling with Scenic Background

A Professional Background Rooted in Compassion

As a Registered Social Worker with over 15 years of experience in providing mental health services, I have worked in diverse settings, including inpatient and community mental health programs, in roles encompassing individual and group work. My extensive background and work experience have allowed me to develop a deep understanding of the complexities people face and the resilience they can uncover with the proper support. I opened my private practice to focus on guiding individuals toward their own solutions and personal transformations by offering a tailored approach honouring each person's unique experiences.

My formal education has provided a strong foundation for this work:

• Bachelor of Arts (Honours) from the University of Toronto (2002)

• Bachelor of Social Work from Dalhousie University (2014)

• Master of Social Work from the University of Windsor (2018)

As part of my commitment to ongoing professional development and providing the highest quality care, I have pursued training in several therapeutic approaches, including Mindfulness, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT), Motivational Interviewing (MI), Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), Internal Family Systems (IFS-Informed), and Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT). In addition to formal training, I extensively read on topics related to therapy, including neurodivergence, psychodynamic/psychology, sociology, and anything that falls into our shared human experiences that shape our lives. This continuous learning deepens my understanding of the challenges we face and enhances my ability to offer thoughtful, informed support tailored to your unique needs.

"Know all the theories, master all the techniques, but as you touch a human soul be just another human soul. " - C.G Jung

Embracing Neurodiversity-Affirming Approach Through a Trauma-Informed Lens

A neurodiversity-affirming approach recognizes that conditions like ADHD and autism reflect natural variations of human neurology and are not problems to be fixed. In this perspective, individuals are understood as experts on their own lives, and therapy adapts to their unique strengths, preferences, and challenges. Rather than forcing everyone to conform to “neurotypical” standards, the goal is to validate each person’s insights and operating style, creating a collaborative environment that respects and celebrates differences. It’s grounded in the belief that no one is “broken”—all that changes is our acceptance of diverse ways of thinking, feeling, and experiencing the world.

A neurodiversity-affirming approach benefits any person, diagnosed or not—who feels ‘different’ in how they think, feel, or interact. I adapt therapy to meet the individual needs of each client, whether you live with anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, social anxiety, or have ever felt invalidated in your experiences. We focus on what works for you, honouring your insights and respecting your identity. By shifting the focus from “fixing” behaviour to accepting and empowering the individual, therapy can reduce shame, foster self-compassion, and encourage personal growth. Because many people have faced repeated invalidation or relational harm, a trauma-informed perspective is woven into this process - ensuring safety, empathy, and an understanding of how past wounds may impact the present. A neurodiversity-affirming and trauma-informed perspective helps every person embrace their authentic self while finding strategies that genuinely work for them, no matter where they fall on the neurological spectrum.

The Benefits of a Biopsychosocialspiritual Approach

As a social worker who takes a holistic approach and considers the many factors that impact us, our struggles rarely exist in isolation. The challenges we face are often influenced by a complex interplay of biological, psychological, social, and spiritual factors. That’s why I take a biopsychosocialspiritual approach to therapy, looking at the whole person to understand what’s happening and where healing can occur. In therapy, we may explore these interconnected aspects of your life:

  • Biological: We consider how your brain and body are functioning, including physical health and nervous system regulation. Understanding your biology can help us pinpoint how these factors contribute to your mood, energy, and stress responses.

  • Psychological: We look at your thoughts, emotions, and behaviour patterns, how you process experiences, make decisions, and cope with life’s difficulties. Unpacking these can help bring clarity and insight into your inner world.

  • Social: We examine your relationships and environment, recognizing how connections (or disconnections) with others impact your sense of self and well-being. Social factors often include family dynamics, workplace culture, and the systems surrounding us.

  • Spiritual: For many, a sense of meaning, purpose, or connection to something greater is vital to navigating life’s struggles. Whether you find spirituality in faith, nature, creativity, or personal values, we honour this aspect as part of your growth.

Why This Approach Matters:

By addressing these areas together, we can better understand how they shape your unique experiences. Many struggles, such as anxiety, depression, or neurodivergent challenges, aren’t simply “one thing.” They are often a reflection of these interconnected factors. This comprehensive approach allows us to untangle the roots of any challenges, build on our strengths, develop a toolbox and create a path to overcome obstacles with new insights and tools. 

Therapeutic Approaches I Use: ACT, DBT, CBT, CFT, and More

My therapeutic approach is, relational, grounded in and informed by evidence-based methods that draw on multiple frameworks to address each individual’s unique needs:

  • Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Cultivates mindfulness and guides meaningful, values-driven action.
  • Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Leverages Socratic questioning to help you develop insights and deepen your understanding.
  • Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT): Fosters self-compassion and helps alleviate self-criticism.
  • Motivational Interviewing (MI): Bolster's motivation and commitment to change.
  • Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT): Enhances emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness.
  • Internal Family Systems (IFS): Explores and harmonizes internal parts for deeper self-understanding and healing.
  • Mindfulness: Cultivates present-moment awareness to foster emotional balance and self-acceptance.

The therapy I provide for neurodivergent individuals is not a one-size-fits-all approach; it’s a personalized, collaborative process tailored to your unique experiences, preferences, and needs. We’ll explore your unique operating system and develop creative, adaptable strategies that truly resonate with you.  Therapy is most effective when it’s a partnership. In my practice, you remain the expert on your own life experiences. I use a collaborative process that respects your agency, whether we’re choosing a therapeutic approach or designing supports tailored to you. By asking thoughtful, Socratic-style questions, I aim to help you deepen your self-awareness and gain insights into your world and the world around you.

The Transformative Power of Therapy

Therapy has the potential to spark meaningful changes. Below are some possibilities that often arise in a supportive, therapeutic environment. No two journeys are alike, and there are no guarantees, but these are some ways therapy may foster growth:

  • Self-Awareness: You might begin noticing how your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours connect, opening up more room for intentional choices that fit your needs.
  • Self-Acceptance: You could find yourself feeling more at ease with who you genuinely are, gradually setting aside the urge to mask or judge your own experiences.
  • Emotional Resilience: It’s possible to develop strategies for handling setbacks, helping you navigate challenges without losing sight of your worth, values, or goals.
  • Meaningful Connection: You may discover new or deeper relationships and supportive spaces that encourage your personal growth and celebrate your individuality.
  • Self-Compassion: Learning to be kinder to yourself, especially during difficult moments, can replace harsh self-criticism with empathy and understanding.
  • Living in Alignment: Some find themselves stepping away from external pressures, making choices that reflect what genuinely matters to them.

We don’t receive a “how-to” manual for life, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. Therapy offers a chance to explore your own unique path. Imagine waking up with fresh insights into how your mind works, feeling more capable than consumed by life’s demands. Consider what it could be like to manage sensory overload, mood swings, or spiralling thoughts so you can focus on what truly matters to you. While every experience in therapy is different, many find it a valuable space to explore these possibilities and to move toward a more authentic way of being.

Handshaketiny

Offering Guidance to Assist You In Navigate Your Challenges

Often, without the proper support, it can be easy to remain stuck in self-doubt, overwhelmed by expectations and 'shoulds' that don't align with who you are. I aim to offer you the guidance and understanding needed to move beyond these pitfalls so you can experience the growth and progress you deserve instead of continual frustration.

You are not alone

Life can feel overwhelming, particularly when facing challenges of 'masking, a term used to describe the act of hiding one's true self to fit in or avoid discrimination, rejection sensitivity, or a relentless inner critic. Many clients experience loneliness, frustration, or a longing to feel understood. Therapy is a way to process these challenges and pains, uncover your strengths, and build a life that feels aligned with who you are. You don't have to continue trying to do it all alone.

Exploring a Path Toward Greater Authenticity and Self-Acceptance

Therapy is an invitation to put yourself first, pause, reflect, and reconnect with who you are, who you've always known you were inside and found hard to express in this world. It's not about "fixing" who you are; it's about rediscovering the parts of you that may have been overlooked or hidden.

My personal journey to becoming myself isn't just a story; it's living proof that embracing one's uniqueness, coming to terms with who we are, and developing self-compassion and acceptance can lead to a more meaningful life. I hope to empower clients to be the hero in their stories and find their own path to becoming themselves.

Thank you for taking the time to learn about my background and approach. If your curiosity is piqued and you are interested in pursuing counselling for neurodivergent adults or are facing challenges and want to see if we're a good fit, I invite you to reach out. There's no rush or pressure, just an open conversation about your goals and hopes for therapy.

*I am a Registered Social Worker providing virtual services to residents of Ontario. Our therapy services are specifically designed to support individuals diagnosed with Level 1 Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Meet Michael Holker – Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapist in Ontario