“Know thyself.” – Socrates
“You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress, simultaneously.” – Sophia Bush
Understanding your neurodivergence isn’t just about uncovering traits; it’s about embracing the layers of your identity, rewriting your story, and finding strength in your authentic self.
I used to think my biggest issue was that I “just couldn’t pay attention.” It never crossed my mind that ADHD might have a deeper effect on my emotional and mental well-being. There was little guidance around it and no one really explained how ADHD could shape my life experience, so I minimized its impact and blamed myself for being scatterbrained.
As I dug deeper into understanding ADHD, I began to notice another layer beneath the surface: certain traits that aligned with Autism. Suddenly, so many puzzle pieces from my past fell into place, I wondered why I sometimes thrived in strict routines yet struggled with impulsivity and wondered how I could be both intensely focused and easily overwhelmed. It felt like I was two opposing forces wrapped into one mind, each trait influencing my emotions and relationships in surprising ways.
This moment of realization doesn’t just reveal new information about you; it can reshape how you see yourself entirely. Realizing I might embody both ADHD and neurodivergent traits explained my late diagnosis, but it also came with a wave of emotions. Looking back on my life, I saw the missed opportunities and the moments where I just seemed “different” without knowing why. Working through the intense feelings—loss, relief, confusion—took me on a journey of self-discovery that continues to this day. Unravelling these layers isn’t easy, but the insight it provides is transformative. I know now that recognizing and integrating both parts of my neurodivergent identity is not just a mental exercise—it’s also a deeply emotional one. We may revisit old memories, relationships, and experiences with fresh eyes. The journey forward involves integrating this new perspective into the broader narrative of your life—coming to terms with both the challenges and the triumphs of being uniquely wired. It can be tricky learning how to navigate neurodivergence as an adult.
How might reframing your struggles as adaptations change how you see yourself?
“I’m not broken—just different.”
One of the most striking feelings people often report after a late realization of neurodivergence is a deep sense of relief. Suddenly, there’s a clear reason for so many of life’s obstacles—why social situations might have felt exhausting or why certain tasks required extraordinary effort. This understanding can be a potent antidote to years of self-doubt and self-blame.
At this stage, self-compassion emerges. Instead of labelling yourself as “lazy” or “too sensitive,” you can begin to acknowledge that your brain simply processes the world in a distinct way, and that’s okay. In my case, realizing that my struggles with overstimulation weren’t about being “overly sensitive” but rather a legitimate response tied to neurodivergence helped me treat myself with much more kindness.
What would it look like to extend the same kindness to yourself that you offer to others?
“If only I had known sooner…”
With relief, however, can come grief. It might strike you that if you had known about your neurodivergence earlier, countless struggles could have been mitigated—misunderstandings avoided, support sought. This realization can spark a sense of loss for the time and energy spent trying to adapt to a standard that never quite fits.
You may find yourself reflecting on:
1. Past misunderstandings: Moments you felt isolated or judged without ever grasping why.
2. Lost opportunities: Paths you didn’t pursue because you believed you couldn’t manage.
3. Energy spent masking: Constantly hiding parts of who you are to seem “normal.”
This grief is complex and layered, weaving together regret, missed chances, and the weight of societal expectations that weren’t tailored to you. When I first recognized my neurodivergence, I couldn’t help but think of all the classes I dropped, the friendships I let fade, or the dreams I abandoned because I thought I “just couldn’t handle it.” Accepting this grief was a necessary step in moving toward self-acceptance.
What steps can you take to honour the person you are today, without regret for the past?
“Why did no one see me for who I am?”
Another natural response is anger. You might be frustrated with systems, schools, workplaces, and healthcare that overlooked or downplayed your needs. You could feel resentment toward individuals who dismissed your struggles as personal failings rather than traits of your neurodivergent wiring. That sense of injustice can be intense.
While anger can be overwhelming, it can also be a catalyst for advocacy. It can drive you to seek out and create communities that understand you, push for better representation and share knowledge so others don’t go through the same challenges. A pivotal moment for me was channelling my frustration into online forums where I could educate myself, share stories, and connect with others who’d felt similarly unseen.
How might embracing your unique wiring shift your perspective on past challenges?
“Who am I beneath the masking?”
Realizing you’re neurodivergent may lead to profound and destabilizing identity questions. You might wonder where the “real you” ends and the “coping you” begins. Perhaps you spent years shaping your personality around the expectation of appearing “normal,” leaving you unsure about which preferences or behaviours are innately yours. Ultimately helping you understand masking.
This shift can be unsettling, but it also offers an opportunity to:
Reclaim authenticity: Give yourself permission to explore your natural interests and behaviours.
Redefine your boundaries: Learn what environments and routines actually serve you best.
Rethink relationships: Notice which relationships honour and support your newly understood self.
Just as a sculptor chips away excess stone to reveal the art within, you may find that shedding old personas allows you to uncover and embrace the core of who you really are.
“Where do I even begin?”
The process of integrating a late neurodivergent realization is not a one-size-fits-all path; it’s a personal voyage. Here are a few steps that often help:
1. Education: Dive into resources created by neurodivergent individuals—books, blogs, podcasts—that can validate and normalize your experiences.
2. Community: Seek support groups, whether online or in-person, to connect with others who share similar stories.
3. Therapeutic Support: Work with a mental health professional experienced in neurodiversity-affirming approach if you need help processing emotions or strategizing the next steps. Feel free to learn more about me here: Meet Michael
4. Self-Compassion: Acknowledge the years you spent without this understanding, and be gentle with yourself as you learn and grow.
5. Advocacy: Whether self-advocacy for workplace accommodations or a larger push for societal change, channel your new insights into creating a more inclusive environment for everyone.
“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.”
Akshay Dubey
The late realization of neurodivergence can turn your world upside down. As you process what this means for your past, present, and future, you may wrestle with a spectrum of emotions. Embracing ADHD and Autism traits after years of writing them off as 'flaws' can be tumultuous. Yet amid the upheaval, there’s tremendous potential for growth and self-acceptance.
Every aspect of who you are—your passions, quirks, sensitivities, and strengths—deserves recognition and respect. By giving yourself permission to learn and heal at your own pace, you open the door to living more authentically than ever before. Your neurodivergence is not a flaw; it’s a part of you worth celebrating.
FAQ: You’ve Realized You’re Neurodivergent—Now What?
That depends on what you need. Some people benefit from the validation and accommodations that come with a formal diagnosis, while others find self-identification empowering enough. Consider factors like healthcare access, costs, and personal goals.
2. How can I manage overwhelming emotions right now?
Allow yourself time to digest everything. Journaling, art, talking with trusted friends, or seeking professional therapy can help you process the complex feelings that arise.
3. How do I explain this to my loved ones?
Approach it in a way that feels comfortable for you. You might share resources that resonate with your experience or discuss how neurodivergence influences your daily life. Remember that not everyone will understand immediately, and that’s okay.
4. What if people doubt or dismiss my realization?
Their skepticism does not negate your truth. Focus on finding a supportive circle—online or offline—where your experiences are validated. You don’t have to convince everyone.
5. Will my relationships change?
They might. Some relationships may deepen with increased understanding and authenticity, while others may feel strained if people are unwilling to adapt. It’s part of discovering who genuinely values and respects the real you.
6. How do I move beyond masking and be myself?
Take small steps. Maybe start by unmasking in safe spaces with a close friend or a support group to allow you to practice being yourself and behave in ways that feel natural, even if they differ from neurotypical norms
7. Is it ever too late to thrive as a neurodivergent person?
Absolutely not. Your life, at any stage, is ripe for self-discovery and growth. Embrace your new insights and use them to shape a life aligned with your needs and preferences.
"I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become." CG Jung
As I sit here reflecting on my own journey of late-diagnosed neurodivergence, I can’t help but think back to the person I used to be—the one who believed they were just “scatterbrained” or “too sensitive.” For so long, I carried those labels like heavy stones, not realizing they weren’t truths but misunderstandings of my own mind and operating system. When I first started to peel back those layers and connect the dots between ADHD, autism, and my emotional well-being, it felt like opening a book I had been unknowingly writing my whole life. As you can likely see now, the impetus toward naming my practice Becoming Yourself Counselling
Coming full circle, I’ve learned that this process isn’t linear. Some days, I still stumble on those old stones, self-doubt, frustration, and regret. But now I also have the tools to overcome them. I’ve learned to honour the parts of myself I once tried to hide, and in doing so, I’ve discovered a version of myself that feels more whole.
Warmly,
Michael
What’s one small way you can begin practicing self-acceptance today?
If you are seeking support in the self-discovery process of your late diagnosis of ADHD or Autism, feel free to learn more about me and my approach here: Meet Michael
Resources:
Attwood, T. (2007). The complete guide to Asperger’s syndrome. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Silberman, S. (2015). Neurotribes: The legacy of autism and the future of neurodiversity. Avery.
Singer, J. (1999). Why can’t you be normal for once in your life? From a ‘problem with no name’ to the emergence of a new category of difference. In M. Corker & S. French (Eds.), Disability discourse (pp. 59–67). Open University Press.
Solden, S., & Frank, M. (2019). A radical guide for women with ADHD: Embrace neurodiversity, live boldly, and break through barriers. New Harbinger Publications.
Blog Disclaimer:
Personal Anecdotes and Confidentiality
You may encounter personal anecdotes within the content. These stories illustrate concepts and foster a sense of connection. Details have been changed to protect confidentiality, ensuring that no identifying information is shared. I often use these personal anecdotes to convey ideas while safeguarding individuals' privacy. However, it’s important to remember that everyone’s journey is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another.
Disclaimer
Please note that the information shared here is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider regarding any medical concerns or conditions you may have.
Given the diversity of life experiences, not all messages may resonate with everyone. This blog is not a substitute for professional mental health care. For specialized guidance, consult a licensed professional.
Psychotherapy services are available to residents of Ontario. Please get in touch with me for more information about my practice and to schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation.
We hope you will find these resources beneficial as you pursue a more authentic and fulfilling life.